Sitting – Poem – NaPoWriMo Day 18


I started this poem and as I was writing, I noticed that the stanzas started getting a little bigger (more lines each time) so I paused, reworked it a little and then emerged with the pattern. Start with one line / word, go to two lines in the next stanza, then three and so forth.  When I hit seven lines, I thought it would be great if I could build the lines from short to long and back to short in the same feel as the poem and having the seven line stanza be the turning point. Then I wound it back down going from six lines and working my way back to one line / word. I initially thought I would end it differently but then thought ending on the same word would work well. Thoughts / feedback on this approach appreciated!

Sitting

 

Sitting

At the top of this hill
Leaning back against a tree

Hardly registering the roughness
Bark ridges making creases in my shirt
Little dents in my back

The sun drifts slowly down
Through a hazy, lazy afternoon
Spreading magnificent colors
Into the late evening sky

The breeze blows softly
Gently rustling the leaves in the tree
The bulk of which is blocking all but a few
Of the breezy finger tips that tickle my neck
Giving chase to the goose bumps
Running down my spine

Unaware
Hair being disheveled
Collar tips flipping up, down
A failed effort to lift me from where I sit
Transport me somewhere
Struggling in vain
Unaware

Stars kick off their covers
And one by one begin their dance
Across the evening sky
Shining, twirling, moving in rhythm
Shifting, sliding, gliding through
As tides change course again

Clouds, white, light and thin
Shift in and out
Closing and opening their curtain
As dancing scenes change
On the star-studded stage

The wind shifts
And the salty sea
Reaching up the hill
Caresses my face

Collar wings stilled
Arms fold over knees
In warming self embrace

I look out over the waves
and wonder, are you

Sitting?

 

Stephen Kellogg – 2012

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About Stephen Kellogg

Poetry, Ponderings, Prose, Photos & Pounding out the Pathways All at my blog... I hope you'll take a few minutes to wander around the site. Not all of what you read there will be happy or sad etc. but I trust my writings, photos etc will encourage, touch, inspire or just make you think…. I really appreciate feedback!! Thanks and enjoy Peace! Stephen Kellogg All of my writings, pictures etc are original works, unless otherwise noted, and should be considered copyrighted.
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4 Responses to Sitting – Poem – NaPoWriMo Day 18

  1. Oh Yes! Stepehen this is, in my opinion, perfect. So much within this poem and it itsn’t until the last stanza’s that we feel something else. Pardon moi if I gush. 🙂

    • Talia,
      Wow what a huge bright spot to my day. I was happy with the way it turned out but it’s always great to get such positive feedback! Feel free to gush around here anytime : D

      Peace,

      Stephen

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